i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
