you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
