Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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