very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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