Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just fell off a train. Bad.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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