I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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