I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
