tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
