Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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