Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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