Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
