I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
