Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
