I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
