how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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