you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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