Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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