This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
