Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
