I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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