Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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