a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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