The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
