Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
