I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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