all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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