I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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