sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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