Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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