"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This is classic penis vs brain.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
