I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
