so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
