I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
