my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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