My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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