well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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