Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
