so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
