I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
