So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I puked a lego.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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