Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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