Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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