I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
be right there i have to get my cape
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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