my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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