This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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