paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This is the high leading the old right now
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
