Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
