Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
