Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
