Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
