hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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