What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
porn star boner night. come get it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
