Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
