No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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