DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
