we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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