Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm jealous of your bromance
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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