I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
