eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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