i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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