if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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