I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Nicole vs. Life
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
