we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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