i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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