____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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