Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
