Duck Duck Cougar?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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