I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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