you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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