i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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