I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
