Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
