Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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