Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
