are you still at the devil's house?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
