I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
