I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
