Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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