explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
