Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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