and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
