This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
