There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
