He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
