i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
